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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {